SEATTLE - No bumps.
Not even a mosquito bite.
And after three days, he rolled out from under a log, dusted the leaves away and rose from the forest.
Hey Michael Schreck, intrepid outdoorsman and Cougar mountain man of mystery and miracles, why don't you jog on down for a moment.
But hey, watch your step.
There are many among us who doubt your explanation, Michael. They're not quite buying the ‘I-was-knocked-out-under-a-log-and-covered-with- leaves’ story.
I think it’s time you fess up.
I think you owe the truth to all the people who spent hours and hours traipsing through brush and bramble looking for you.
Besides, I think I know what really happened Michael.
The spaceship? The gray-skinned alien visitors who beamed you aboard their interplanetary craft?
How you had to wrestle Bigfoot?
I know you thought your story would be more believable.
For the love of God man, bring an end to the charade.
Share with us the photos on your cell phone camera.
The world awaits the news.
Oh, by the way, I seem to have misplaced the “Schrammie” I was going to give you.
But I'll look for it.
It's gotta be around here somewhere.
Maybe under that pile of leaves, right over there by that log.
Last week, the Department of Corrections offices outside Olympia were evacuated after a “Schrammie” that had been awarded to Director Harold Clarke was mistakenly identified as a bomb.
I apologized and, as an act of contrition, offered to buy donuts for the 350 people that were made to flee the building in fear of it exploding.
Well, DOC officials decided they would rather have 40 dozen donuts donated to the Thurston County food bank.
I called the food bank and the director, Binda Douglas, agreed that while doughnuts were OK, cash would help more people.
So I will be sending the food bank a check for $300.
And that about wraps that up.
Have something to say to Ken? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
And be sure to join Ken, along with John Carlson, on "The Commentators", which airs every weekday from 9-Noon on AM 570 KVI.
It's a lively exchange of information, insight and perspective with two guys who don't agree on much, but still manage to enjoy each other as they tackle issues of the day. Even better, callers are invited in on the verbal action.