Monitoring your kids on Facebook? That's so 2009

WASHINGTON (AP) - Relieved your kids aren't posting embarrassing messages and goofy self-portraits on Facebook? They're probably doing it on Instagram and Snapchat instead.
The number of popular social media sites available on kids' mobile devices has exploded in recent years. The smartest apps now enable kids to chat informally with select groups of friends without bumping up against texting limits and without being monitored by parents, coaches and college admissions officers, who are frequent Facebook posters themselves.
Many of the new mobile apps don't require a cellphone or a credit card. They're free and can be used on popular portable devices such as the iPod Touch and Kindle Fire, as long as there's a wireless Internet connection.
According to the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project, more than three-fourths of teenagers have a cellphone and use online social networking sites such as Facebook. But educators and kids say there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that Facebook for teenagers has become a bit like a school-sanctioned prom - a necessary rite of passage with plenty of adult onlookers - while apps such as Snapchat and Kik Messenger are the much cooler after-party.
Educators say they have seen everything from kids using their mobile devices to circulate online videos of school drug searches to male students sharing nude pictures of their girlfriends. Most parents, they say, have no idea.
"What sex education used to be - it's now the 'technology talk' we have to have with our kids," said Rebecca Levey, a mother of 10-year-old twin daughters who runs a tween video review site called KidzVuz.com and blogs about technology and educations issues.
Eileen Patterson, a stay-at-home mom of eight kids in Burke, Va., said she used to consider herself fairly tech savvy and is frequently on Facebook, but was shocked to learn her kids could message their friends with just an iPod Touch. She counts nine wireless devices in her home and has taken to shutting off her home's Wi-Fi after 9 p.m., but Patterson calls her attempt to keep tabs on her kids' online activity "a war I'm slowly losing every day."
"I find myself throwing up my hands every now and again," Patterson said. "Then I'll see something on TV or read an article in the paper about some horrible thing that happened to some poor child and their family, and then I try to be more vigilant. But the reality is, I'm ...stupid" when it comes to social media.
Mobile apps refer to the software applications that can be downloaded to a mobile device through an online store such as Apple's iTunes. According to the Federal Trade Commission, there are some 800,000 apps available through Apple and 700,000 apps on Google Play.
Among the most popular mobile apps among kids is Instagram, free software that digitally enhances photos and posts them to your account online. The photos can be shared on other social media sites such as Facebook, which bought Instagram last year.
Then there's Snapchat, among the top 10 free iPhone apps available. Coined by the media as the "sexting" app, Snapchat lets you send a text, photo or video that self-destructs within 10 seconds of being opened.
Kik Messenger also allows unlimited texting for free and offers anonymity to its users. Able to run on an iPod Touch or Kindle Fire, Kik allows vague user names - for example, a nickname or a string of random digits - that won't reveal a person's real name or phone number.
But as with anything online, each of these apps comes with serious caveats.
Snapchat, for example, acknowledges on its Web page that its messages aren't guaranteed to disappear: Anyone receiving a text or photo can use their 10 seconds to capture a "screenshot," or photo of their device's screen, and save that image to their phone. Video also can be downloaded, although Snapchat says it alerts senders when their data is saved.
Instagram is generally considered pretty tame as long as kids adjust their privacy settings to limit who can see their photos and don't post nudity, which could subject them to child pornography laws. But Levey points out that many parents don't know their kids are on Instagram until there's trouble - usually when kids post photos at parties, and other kids who aren't invited see them.
Dale Harkness, a technology director at Richmond-Burton Community High School in Richmond, Ill., said parents often will hand their kids a mobile device without understanding exactly what it can do. He estimates that even without the latest social media app, the average high school student probably transmits some 150 texts a day.
"It's not anything that every parent and grandparent hasn't already seen," Harkness said. The problem, he adds, is the actions "get documented, replayed and sent around," and kids "forget how fast it moves and how far it goes."
That was the case at Ridgewood High School in Ridgewood, N.J., where a male student allegedly took a screenshot of nude pictures sent to him by female classmates via Snapchat, then posted the pictures on Instagram. According to a letter to parents by the school district's superintendent that was later posted online, police were warning students to delete any downloaded pictures by Monday or face criminal charges under child pornography laws.
There are general security concerns too. A recent report by a cyberthreat research company, called F-Secure, found that some of the new social networking sites have become ripe targets for spreading malware and propagating scams.
In January, the FBI arrested a 27-year-old man in Los Angeles who allegedly hacked into hundreds of social media and email accounts, including Facebook and Skype, and found naked photos and personal passwords that women had stored online. He used the naked photos to try to coerce women into disrobing for him via Skype and threatened to post their private photos to their Facebook accounts if they refused to comply, according to the indictment.
Also worth noting is that almost every mobile app available collects some kind of personal data, such as a person's birthdate or the location of their phone, and shares that information with third parties for marketing purposes. While a new regulation by the Federal Trade Commission this year is aimed at keeping advertisers from tracking kids younger than 13, most social media apps require that a person promise to be at least 13 when they sign up, thereby exempting themselves from the tougher privacy restrictions.
Rep. Ed Markey, a Massachusetts Democrat who is co-chairman of a House caucus that examines privacy issues, said he'd like to see legislation that would give kids under 15 the right to delete photos or texts that wind up elsewhere online. The prospect, however, is unlikely in a Congress dominated by debates on federal spending and gun control, and raises practical questions about how such a law could be enforced.
"I believe that our children have a right to develop, to grow up and to make mistakes," Markey said. "Nobody should be penalized for something they posted when they were 9 years old."
Several consumer advocates actually recommend exposing their kids to social media sites earlier than age 12, when they're more receptive to hearing lessons about online etiquette and safety.
For example, Levey links her kids' devices to her iTunes account so she's aware of any program they download. She also requires that her kids "friend" her on every program and follow certain ground rules: protect your passwords, set your privacy controls and never transmit inappropriate pictures or words.
Levey thinks a big hurdle for parents is getting over the idea that they are invading their kids' privacy by monitoring online activity. In fact, she said, it can be the kid's first lesson that nothing online is truly private anyway.
"If they want privacy, they should write in a journal and hide it under their mattress," Levey said.
The number of popular social media sites available on kids' mobile devices has exploded in recent years. The smartest apps now enable kids to chat informally with select groups of friends without bumping up against texting limits and without being monitored by parents, coaches and college admissions officers, who are frequent Facebook posters themselves.
Many of the new mobile apps don't require a cellphone or a credit card. They're free and can be used on popular portable devices such as the iPod Touch and Kindle Fire, as long as there's a wireless Internet connection.
According to the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project, more than three-fourths of teenagers have a cellphone and use online social networking sites such as Facebook. But educators and kids say there is plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that Facebook for teenagers has become a bit like a school-sanctioned prom - a necessary rite of passage with plenty of adult onlookers - while apps such as Snapchat and Kik Messenger are the much cooler after-party.
Educators say they have seen everything from kids using their mobile devices to circulate online videos of school drug searches to male students sharing nude pictures of their girlfriends. Most parents, they say, have no idea.
"What sex education used to be - it's now the 'technology talk' we have to have with our kids," said Rebecca Levey, a mother of 10-year-old twin daughters who runs a tween video review site called KidzVuz.com and blogs about technology and educations issues.
Eileen Patterson, a stay-at-home mom of eight kids in Burke, Va., said she used to consider herself fairly tech savvy and is frequently on Facebook, but was shocked to learn her kids could message their friends with just an iPod Touch. She counts nine wireless devices in her home and has taken to shutting off her home's Wi-Fi after 9 p.m., but Patterson calls her attempt to keep tabs on her kids' online activity "a war I'm slowly losing every day."
"I find myself throwing up my hands every now and again," Patterson said. "Then I'll see something on TV or read an article in the paper about some horrible thing that happened to some poor child and their family, and then I try to be more vigilant. But the reality is, I'm ...stupid" when it comes to social media.
Mobile apps refer to the software applications that can be downloaded to a mobile device through an online store such as Apple's iTunes. According to the Federal Trade Commission, there are some 800,000 apps available through Apple and 700,000 apps on Google Play.
Among the most popular mobile apps among kids is Instagram, free software that digitally enhances photos and posts them to your account online. The photos can be shared on other social media sites such as Facebook, which bought Instagram last year.
Then there's Snapchat, among the top 10 free iPhone apps available. Coined by the media as the "sexting" app, Snapchat lets you send a text, photo or video that self-destructs within 10 seconds of being opened.
Kik Messenger also allows unlimited texting for free and offers anonymity to its users. Able to run on an iPod Touch or Kindle Fire, Kik allows vague user names - for example, a nickname or a string of random digits - that won't reveal a person's real name or phone number.
But as with anything online, each of these apps comes with serious caveats.
Snapchat, for example, acknowledges on its Web page that its messages aren't guaranteed to disappear: Anyone receiving a text or photo can use their 10 seconds to capture a "screenshot," or photo of their device's screen, and save that image to their phone. Video also can be downloaded, although Snapchat says it alerts senders when their data is saved.
Instagram is generally considered pretty tame as long as kids adjust their privacy settings to limit who can see their photos and don't post nudity, which could subject them to child pornography laws. But Levey points out that many parents don't know their kids are on Instagram until there's trouble - usually when kids post photos at parties, and other kids who aren't invited see them.
Dale Harkness, a technology director at Richmond-Burton Community High School in Richmond, Ill., said parents often will hand their kids a mobile device without understanding exactly what it can do. He estimates that even without the latest social media app, the average high school student probably transmits some 150 texts a day.
"It's not anything that every parent and grandparent hasn't already seen," Harkness said. The problem, he adds, is the actions "get documented, replayed and sent around," and kids "forget how fast it moves and how far it goes."
That was the case at Ridgewood High School in Ridgewood, N.J., where a male student allegedly took a screenshot of nude pictures sent to him by female classmates via Snapchat, then posted the pictures on Instagram. According to a letter to parents by the school district's superintendent that was later posted online, police were warning students to delete any downloaded pictures by Monday or face criminal charges under child pornography laws.
There are general security concerns too. A recent report by a cyberthreat research company, called F-Secure, found that some of the new social networking sites have become ripe targets for spreading malware and propagating scams.
In January, the FBI arrested a 27-year-old man in Los Angeles who allegedly hacked into hundreds of social media and email accounts, including Facebook and Skype, and found naked photos and personal passwords that women had stored online. He used the naked photos to try to coerce women into disrobing for him via Skype and threatened to post their private photos to their Facebook accounts if they refused to comply, according to the indictment.
Also worth noting is that almost every mobile app available collects some kind of personal data, such as a person's birthdate or the location of their phone, and shares that information with third parties for marketing purposes. While a new regulation by the Federal Trade Commission this year is aimed at keeping advertisers from tracking kids younger than 13, most social media apps require that a person promise to be at least 13 when they sign up, thereby exempting themselves from the tougher privacy restrictions.
Rep. Ed Markey, a Massachusetts Democrat who is co-chairman of a House caucus that examines privacy issues, said he'd like to see legislation that would give kids under 15 the right to delete photos or texts that wind up elsewhere online. The prospect, however, is unlikely in a Congress dominated by debates on federal spending and gun control, and raises practical questions about how such a law could be enforced.
"I believe that our children have a right to develop, to grow up and to make mistakes," Markey said. "Nobody should be penalized for something they posted when they were 9 years old."
Several consumer advocates actually recommend exposing their kids to social media sites earlier than age 12, when they're more receptive to hearing lessons about online etiquette and safety.
For example, Levey links her kids' devices to her iTunes account so she's aware of any program they download. She also requires that her kids "friend" her on every program and follow certain ground rules: protect your passwords, set your privacy controls and never transmit inappropriate pictures or words.
Levey thinks a big hurdle for parents is getting over the idea that they are invading their kids' privacy by monitoring online activity. In fact, she said, it can be the kid's first lesson that nothing online is truly private anyway.
"If they want privacy, they should write in a journal and hide it under their mattress," Levey said.
It all depends on the kid. With my oldest, I had to keep a much tighter reign on him because he did like to push the envelope so to speak â in fact, I ended up taking the internet and texting off his phone because he would not follow my basic rules. Whereas with my younger one (who is a teenager now), he is much better at sticking with the rules and not rebelling too much. I have no problem with my teen having a smart phone. I do monitor his accounts, not only on the computer but on his phone as well. The rules in place are pretty clear and he knows he will lose the phone if he breaks them. My rules arenât too outlandish: 1. I have all passwords. No passwords are to be changed without my knowledge. 2. I can go on his accounts at anytime, anywhere and I do. 3. No posting of anything that is sexual, drug related, or of a bullying nature.
I prefer my kids having phones so they can call someone in case of an emergency and I can also reach them if I need to.
Iâm not going to say what works best for us will work for other families, I can just say what works best for my family.
@The WA Mama Those rules have served me well for about 8 years now. Even my 19 year old still shares her passwords! If I pay the bill, I get to see the contents being sent/viewed. Never had a problem. Although both girls are now using Instagram & I don't, they've shared their accounts with me freely.
I also will go onto my son's friends FB pages to see what kinds of things they are posting. I find that to be a good indicator of what and who my kid is hanging out and chatting with.
@CivilityChat is.gd\/jNwRGo\/oarcaf9â¦CYS
I let my daughter get a Facebook acct. when she was like 9 - Here is why -Â
1st, she really just wanted to play Farmville. ...she got it all set up and started to "Add" her Friends - best part is - at 9 - all her "Friends" are Family. She's 11 now - and only has maybe 5 friends that aren't related to us in one way or another. (they are Girl Scouts from her Troop)
She still thinks it's cool to be on there with her cousins and Aunts and Uncles....etc... So, ya, over the next few years - especially with her going to middle school next year - she'll be adding lots of people I don't personally know - but as of about 60sec. ago - I got 54 People on my end watching everything she does.Â
I also have her password, the email that she used to open it - I got all that info and all those pass words so she can't change er password w/o me knowing.Â
Guess my point is, it's inevitable - So I just did it before hand, so I wasn't playing "catch up" so to speak - I'm already was there, watching from a distance. I do not wish or try to impede on her privacy, etc - this is about Safety. Plain and Simple.Â
Every kid is diff - every kid needs diff. levels of supervision.
@_Monte_ I did the same thing with my girls & we currently share 150+ friends. My girls are 19 & 17 now. They're friends with my friends, their friends and loads of family. Some of my co-workers and acquaintences through our volunteer work are on the girls' friend lists. I'm even still receiving friend requests from their friends & younger siblings.
There are these things called privacy settings. Learn them & use them. Teach your children about them. Show them the news stories about people losing scholarships & jobs because of an inappropiate post. It's all in how you communicate and raise your children. They're your responsibility for life. Not just a few years or until you can't handle the stress any more. And therein lies the main issue....parenting or lack thereof.
@V&K;'sMama @_Monte_Â
 Oh yea - I'm all over those privacy setting - for her and myself. I don't accept ANY request from people I don't know - or even some "acquaintances" - I can tell when someone just wants to "snoop" - If we don't hang/talk with any kind of regularity - we're not Friends on FB.
ZEROÂ access for ANYONE who is NOT her "Friend" - ALL her Pics, posts, games, EVERYTHING is on Private!! I even opened a "Faux" acct. to try and look at her stuff just to Dbl. check I had everything Locked Down.
I do not play around when it comes to that kind of stuff - we live 4 blocks fromher Elem. Straight Shot - I pic her up or walk up there and watch her come downthe street EVERY DAY - Rain or Shine. It's NOT her I don't trust - it's the pervs drivin' around lookin' for a kid, waling alone....
Like I said above - I'm not tryin' to impede on Privacy - I was a teenager too - But I also found myself doing things and going places I had NO business doing/seeing - my Mom was nowhere to be found, well, actually, she was drunk in the backroom - I WAS the "scammer" in High School - this kid is gonna HATE me real soon!! LOL - Can't scam the Scammer!! I invented this "game"!!!!
These kids shouldn't even be on social media anyway. They sure as hell never do anything useful but screw around. My niece is living proof of that! But of course we sure as hell can't expect parents to really do anything!
Yes, parents should take more responsibility. An application that allows nude pictures sent is against the law. Close the app until this is fixed. Children can be "talked up as well as adults." It seems to me if an app breaks the law, or can be used to break the law in sending nudes, the app should be shut down. Its child porn! Kiddy porn, teen porn, I know good and well these pics are NOT destroyed after sending. I do not believe that in a minute. I still cant get rid of AARP from sending me crap after 20 years and believe me, the pics from these apps float around to some foreign porn. How in the world does a parent supervise burning fire with no water? Our kids will have cell phones no matter what. These apps are illegal.
@Magdalena Bujak Â
Any application that allows photo-sharing in general would by implication "allow nude pictures."Â Your suggestion would require shutting down the whole of the internet and confiscating all cameras.
If the child is under 18 and the parent is the one who signs them on FB and the only one knowing the password, Â what's to worry about? Â They can't sign on with a smart phone. Â I never gave my children too much freedom too soon growing up. Â They are not on drugs, Â they were not pregnant until married, they did not dress like sluts or gang members and they are children I am proud of to this day and who show me respect and love. Â Sure there were some battles, but my children were worth it.Â
@Delores Kirkwood it goes both ways. My brothers and I had lots of freedom and my brother is a Capt in the army, with a MBA. I have an MBA. Middle brother was in the Navy for 6 years and is happily married. None of us has ever done drugs, got in any trouble, etc. My parents were successful in raising free thinking kids who have traveled the world and live independent lives. Restricting kids growth is not the only way to raise kids.Â
@Northend @Delores Kirkwood I agree with Northend. Restriction is not the key to raising good children. Mutual respect and trust is. I have a two year old girl who will grow up in a society which is ever connected and degenerating its values.
I intend to build my relationship with her based on trust and respect and at the same time, not skirt away from my parental duties to blame her actions on the inactions of her teachers or mine.
As parents, we feel that children are the states responsibility. That somehow the school teachers are responsible for growing up our kids. Just like everything else, kids are an investment in our future society and like any other investment we have to play our part in nurturing it and making the right decisions.
@NickM1979 @Northend @Delores Kirkwood it's that trust and respect thing that made us never want to disappoint our parents. I called my mother at 16 to get me because the party was full of drugs. I was never interested in trying them. My parents taught us the most valuable lesson--there are always consequences for our decisions and we should always think carefully before making one. too many parents do not teach their kids that their behavior effects the world. I am not perfect and my parents still drive me crazy but on the whole, they did a great job at raising us. :)
" Snapchat lets you send a text, photo or video that self-destructs within 10 seconds"
Ask yourself what's the worst thing that can happen?  If it can it will!!!
@al_wa Don't think for one minute it self destructs. NOTHING on the internet, self destructs. It self destructs for them to see it longer or you to see it longer than 10 seconds but it does not destruct. It is kept in some cgi bin for later use. believe me! Or some folder within the app. anything you type is never erased, including pictures in the internet.
No child or teen for that matter needs a cell phone. End of story! Â If a phone is given to a teen, all other features (internet, messaging, etc.) can be disabled and it can only be used as a phone. A novel idea.Â
Simple fix. My daughter did not get her own cell phone until she was 15. And it was not a smartphone. She also knew that there would be random checks of her accounts, with her sitting there. Â With FB, we would sit there and she would have to tell me how she knew everyone that was her "friend" on there. Amazing how many men in their 20s who were "cousins of a friend" were in her network, and were chatting her up. Â If your teen is doing something wrong on the internet or smartphone, that's your failure.. not theirs. Â Parents now seem to think that once a kid hits 7th grade, they're on their own. Â You pay for the devices? Then you have say in how they're used.Â
Also, too many parents find it easier to just let their kids conduct their personal life on their cell phones, so that the parents never know who their friends are, where they live, or how to reach their parents. Â Even with a cell phone, when my daughter went overnight, I had to have the parents number. And if it was a new friend, we had to talk to the parent, first. I would also drive her to the friends house the first time.. etc. Â Technology is no excuse to abdicate your responsibilities are parents. Â You're destroying your kids lives by giving them too much, and asking nothing of them other than "get good grades." Â Â Oh, and there is a special place in parental hell for those of you using your smart phones and ipads as a babysitter. Â The ads from AT&T lately about the mother that gets to sip lattes and surf the internet, now that she can stream movies on her cell phone to occupy her toddler's mind, are nauseating. Â Don't have kids if you have to stick them in front of screens to babysit them. Â
@DTWOW! Â Glad to see you are a perfect parent!!!!Â
@DT Good job DT, it's too bad more parents don't take parenting seriously. I have to admit, sometimes I fell sorry for my granddaughter when her mom picks up her phone and goes through her texts, but I know in my heart that my daughter is just doing her job. When I was growning up, giving a child their privacy was considered important, but now it can have horrible consequences.
Need to talk to your kids about sex and technology younger and more often these days. Gone are the days of that one time sex talk. You can trust your kids, let them make their own mistakes but at the same time try not to let them learn the hard way
What happened to trusting your kids and letting them make a few of their own mistakes? Or should we prepare them for the Orwellian work place where employers urine test them for drugs and monitor what they say online, and make them sign agreements about what they can and cannot say and do outside of work?Â
It's no wonder adults put up with the constant assault on their fourth and first amendment rights, we train them as kids to put up with surveillance.
@Bellevue Scott -- Here is one fine example of your kind of parenting: http://www.komonews.com/news/national/2-teen-members-of-Ohio-football-team-convicted-of-rape-198682161.html  What happened to parents being involved and knowing what their CHILDREN were doing? Parents should be focused on raising well-rounded, respectfully children; they should be involved in their lives, and should be their parent NOT their BFF. I agree with @DT, you are what is wrong with parents today. It is a shame there is not a mandatory parenting class, because @Bellevue Scott, you need one.
@Bellevue Scott You're an example of what's wrong with parents now.  Good luck with that. Kids turned out much better when parents knew who their friends were, knew the friends parents, knew what the kids were doing.  technology has changed all that. Â
@DT @Bellevue Scott I disagree. although it's a different time. My parents didn't know all of my friends but did know where I was at all times. respect goes a long way with kids when they get it from parents.Â
@DT @Bellevue Scott Â
Actually, the Boomers and Generation-X both had worse social statistics (murder rate, teen pregnancy rate, STD rate, etc.) while growing up than current youth. And how many young Gen-X'ers were sitting at their Tandy computers in the 80's, sending Usenet or BBS messages?
@Bellevue Scott Oh, you mean the 70's!
@Bellevue Scott I have 2 boys, 8 and 10, and I severely monitor their online activity. I'm not as concerned about the content they view as to what they post. I don't let them put pictures on the net without me, there are friends of theirs that are in the middle of custody disputes and don't want pictures of them on the web. There are plenty of reasons to not post stuff, from custody troubles and cyber stalkers to future employment being limited by party pictures.
Education is the best prevention. We live in a very connected world. It would be irresponsible not to educate them in it!
Kids are so far ahead of their parents in so many ways these days, I'm not sure if the parents will EVER catch up.
What happened to calling someone and then meeting them to hang out?Â
And any parent who lets their kid have access like that before they are 16 has an IQ lower than their child.
My rule is, if they want that hot mobile phone/laptop/whatever, they can go get a job to buy it. That is how I was raised and I did not grow up to be an entitled brat. I EARNED what I have.
My son was given a cell phone at 14 when he started riding the County bus 5 towns away in order to continue his pursuit of a Black Belt in Karate. He had STRICT rules on who he could call/text and we monitored the bill. Once he was driving, the phone was used to announce his safe arrival and departure. He is STILL Mr Brevity on the phone, unless its a young lady.
Yes he got his Black Belt too...at 16 (black/white and Black at 18.
@Just a dude I don't disagree with you, I was raised in a similar way. I don't think it is necessarily bad to give your children gifts (on the appropriate days). There is no reason that a child cannot have and use a cell phone responsibly.
@Just a dude I agree. These kids now a days have way to much of the "entitlement gene" in them.
 Either work for it or you don't get it.Â