SEATTLE -- In for a penny, in for a pound.

I figure if global warming has pushed Seattle city officials to the point of wanting to ban life's small pleasures, then those bureaucrats better be prepared to really up the ante.

So if the muckity-mucks at the Seattle Parks Department would quit sipping from their plastic water bottles, I'd like them to come on down.

The park gurus say they're ready to fight global warming and are in the throes of trying to limit, and eventually ban, bonfires at a pair of waterfront parks.

Well, we all know that carbon emissions from beach fires aren't the only culprits in melting ice caps.

What about barbeques? Yeah, all those burning briquettes have gotta be killing polar bears somewhere?

I say the parks' folks should just ban them too.

And while they're at it, how about they just blacktop every lawn in every city park, 'cause those lawn mowers leave a huge carbon footprint.

(I'd suggest keeping the lawns and using sheep and goats to keep them trimmed, but I deduced that the resulting animal flatulence would only further contribute to place our planet in peril.)

I hope I've made my point.

So for getting all hot and bothered about global warming to the point of environmental lunacy and social idiocy, the grand poo-bahs of the Seattle Parks Department need to take a bow, because this "Schrammie" is for them.

Have something to say to Ken? E-mail him at kenschram@komo4news.com.

And be sure to join Ken, along with John Carlson, on "The Commentators", which airs every weekday from 3-6 p.m. on AM 570 KVI.

It's a lively exchange of information, insight and perspective with two guys who don't agree on much, but still manage to enjoy each other as they tackle issues of the day. Even better, callers are invited in on the verbal action.