SEATTLE - Look, but don't you dare touch!

This is a hail to the folks who've turned Seattle's new $85 million public park into a visit to your prissy great Aunt Bertha's house.

Now, would someone from the Seattle Art Museum, please, put the crayons away and come on down?

Tens of thousands of people have made their way down to the Olympic Sculpture Park since it opened on January 20. They have "ooohed" and "ahhed" all 9 acres of majestic artistry.

I thought the museum folk would be tickled spitless at such a warm reception.

Alas, I was in error.

Instead, there has been consternation and dismay because instead of connoisseurs, the museum has had to contend with unrefined louts.

Can you imagine the audacity of people who actually thought they could walk up and touch the sculptures?

What's even worse is that underage, rampaging ragamuffins have been leaving their grubby handprints on those delicate lines of welded metal.

So...for failing to explain to us peons that even if outdoor sculpture can withstand pigeon poop, human touch is destructive, and for chastising us with a sternly wagging civic finger, take a bow "SAM", 'cause this little plastic piece of art is for you.

But please, don't touch it inappropriately.

A P.S. from Schram - Don't confuse the above with the people who have stupidly and thoughtlessly scratched, carved, sprayed or in any other way defaced artwork in the park. Touching is one thing. Vandalizing is something else entirely.