So here I was writing up the weather forecast for next week when there was something mysterious showing up on our forecast model charts.
Instead of leaving Western Washington blank as it had been for ages, there were these green and blue blobs on the charts for early Monday morning!
In checking with the folks at the National Weather Service, they say those blobs can only mean the models are predicting one thing: rain!!!
I once heard about it raining in Seattle. Tales of this mysterious precipitation last speak of it over three fortnights ago. I just assumed it was some sort of silly legend but now it was in the actual forecast. What to do?
I consulted an ancient but hallowed script from a wise man who speaks of Seattle-area meteorology to see what might cause this so-called "rain":
It turns out, it's actual water that falls from the sky! But no, it's not like the sky is leaking or anything. Something about condensation and clouds whose updrafts are no longer sufficient to keep ever-growing water droplets suspended in air until they succumb to gravity in the form of raindrops.
But there could be trillions of raindrops that fall, the ominous text reads. Trillions!
I must prepare the folks of Seattle for this event! In consulting with local elders, the last time rain fell in Seattle were well before the tales of Prince Harry in Las Vegas were even penned! Back when the famous Ichiro Suzuki still roamed the outfield for the -- can you believe it -- Seattle Mariners!?!
There are actual infants who are several weeks old who have yet to experience one Seattle raindrop!
So here, curious Seattleites, are what you can do to prepare for this "rain".
First of all, there are these contraptions long ago invented called "umbrellas". The ancient scripture I consulted indicates that long-time natives of the Seattle area scoffed at these inventions as unnecessary and bothersome.
But should you find yourself needing to escape this rain, just make sure you use the device properly or else you will still find yourself susceptible to being pelted by this water from the sky:
But what did these umbrella-scoffing elders do? There is word of the much-preferred waterproof "hoodie". Apparently back during the rains of yore, places like REI used to do quite the booming business before the hoodies were relegated to collecting dust next to the blue tarps.
Should you wish to purchase one of these preferred rain defenders, just be sure to engage that extra piece of concave material near the neck and place it over your head as such:
(Note the wrinkles from distinct lack of use!)
Now you are ready to brave venturing outside in this mysterious rain.
But what if you have to drive? Heaven forbid this rain falls while you are on a freeway! Ancient tales tell of gridlock when the rain falls during our commutes as drivers slow to a crawl lest...actually, there is no mention why exactly traffic has to slow when it rains. It remains a great Northwest mystery.
Maybe it's just from driver confusion? All that water on the windshield. How do you get it off?
I just received some expert training from a driving instructor on what to do and have made this handy video to help guide you through what happens should you be unlucky enough to be on the road when this rain hits:
So now you should be prepared for this potential rain event coming soon to Seattle, whether you're out on the street or out on the roads.
Now, the historical books also speak of another weather event that occurs near the dawn of the New Year where rain actually turns white and clumps together on the ground -- they call it "snow".
The tales are fraught with anxiety but say despite many attempts, there has been no effective solution to helping Seattle pedestrians or drivers contend with this daunting opponent.